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Ambition: The Hitchhiker

2007-11-06 12:09:30 by ngrey651
Updated

In a park quite some distance away from where a man had leapt from a window of a tall skyscraping building...

Two young lovers were naked and kissing up a storm.

"Mmm..."

"Ohhh..."

"MMMMM!"

Okay, more than kissing.

"Oh-OH. I see babies!"

"Let's finish High school first." (Greatest lines ever)

"No I mean LOOK, there's babies right over there!" She said, pointing.

LATER, AT TED'S APARTMENT...

"I'd go crazy too if I saw this when I woke up..."

"This isn't blood...it's...beet juice." A woman with shoulder-length hair remarked, examining it with a keen eye.

SOON...

"Two infants were found in Honeydew Park today. They had been in the care of their father who was involved in a bombing incident earlier today. They have now been returned to the care of thier mother."

Meanwhile, on a country road in the dark of night, an interracial couple was speaking. One was a white woman with red and orange streaked hair. The other a handsome black man who was at the wheel.

"Yale, how can we enjoy ourselves at parties if you keep getting jealous?"

"If you keep flirting Helen, I'm gonna jealous."

"He asked if I thought there was a chance for peace in the Middle East."

"It's CODE. He was really asking if you thought you could keep yourself out of his pants!"

"REALLY, Yale! You're so-"

"If you've said..." The man began speaking in falsetto. "Yes, it is possible to rise above-"

"Yale, stop making fun of me!"

Then suddenly someone appeared in front of them both. A man waving his hands with something red strapped around his waist. A...a bomb!?!

"Yale...do not stop for him." Helen said, turning her angry face towards Yale.

"But he's standing in the middle of the road!"

"Do you wanna get mugged? Do you wanna DIE?!" She asked.

"Calm down!"

But the car did come screeching to a halt. A very grateful man in a teal, long-sleeve shirt with dark pants climbed in. "God bless you both for stopping." He told them, climbing next to another person who was also in the car.

"Hey, you look familiar." The person said to Ted. "I think I've seen you before...just this morning, actually..."

"I'm going through a bit of a rough patch right now. Can you help me find my kids?"

"Are you such a loser that you have to pick up people just to feel good about yourselves?"

"Are you such a loser that you ignore people in need?"

"Hello???" The man asked.

"I'M not the one that needs to prove anything!" The angry Helen snarled.

"Hello? Pay attention!" The man groaned.

"Guys, I think we should-"

"Oh no, you've got to prove nothing to anyone except maybe an OVERSEXED history professor who's willing to overlook your obvious ignorance of the middle east-"

"HEY!" The man yelled. "You all better listen to me or I blow us all to Hell!"

"Hey, NOW I remember you! You're the one that jumped out of that building!" The other man in back remarked.

"WHAT?!" Both Helen and Yale asked.

Then a roadblock appeared ahead. Ted demanded that they stop after introducing himself, but Yale insisted that as a lawyer, he would be able to help him get his kids back. And then...

A woman wearing a white long-sleeve jacket appeared, her red hair falling down to her shoulder. "Hello Yale."

"Hi Angie."

"Angie?" Helen asked.

"She's a psychiatrist and a police negotiator."

"So she must be Dr. Somebody or Another...you call her "Angie"?"

Yale looked guilty, but then...

"Yale, calm down and introduce Angie to your wife. She's the one on edge, not Ted here." The other man whispered to him.

Yale quickly changed his expression. "Dr. Raleigh, this is my wife Helen. My beautiful wife, Helen."

"Call me Angie. Your husband has an impressive mind."

Yale laughed. "Oh, and I thought you were attracted to my BODY? Ha-ha-ha!"

Helen promptly punched Yale in the nose with a cry of "YOU SONOFABITCH!"

THWACK!

"Holy smokes, I thought that I had problems! You're a hellcat, lady!" Ted exclaimed.

"JESUS CHRIST!" The other man said.

Yale held his hand over his nose, sniffling slightly. Instantly Helen gasped.

"Oh, I am SO sorry! I didn't mean it, are you okay?"

"Just like a woman. Wake up, sweetheart, your actions have consequences."

"Shut up, greaseball. MYOB."

"You don't scare me, wicked sprite. You're from the same devilish spawn stockmas my ex-wife!"

"Ted, calm down. Helen, calm down." The other man said. "And Ted..."

"Stop insulting my wife!" Yale said, annoyed with Ted, putting his hand down.

"I take it back, I take it back."

"About time. Now you sound like the man I married."

"I AM the man you married. Now let me calm this situation down. Ted, I want you to calm down and surrender so that we can reunite you with your kids."

"You...can do that?" He asked.

The other man nodded. "If anyone can do it, Yale can."

Ted agreed to surrender and walked out of the car as he was led to the police car and put inside as the cop read him his charges. Helen and Yale continued on their car trip while the hitchhiking man with them got out and into the car with Angie, the cop and Ted.

"Good to meet you Dr. Raleigh...." The man began. "I've heard of you. I'm a psychological-"

ELSEWHERE...

"You don't have to worry about your daddy. They're gonna lock him up somewhere where he won't be able to hurt anyone OR himself. Now come on...if you wanna get strong..."

A woman with orange/blond hair raised up some food for her two infant children, smiling gently.

"You gotta eat your beef..."


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